Friday, December 23, 2011
"Life is all about timing...the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable...attainable. Have the patience, wait it out."
Two and a half years ago today, I reached out for help. My basket full of life had just been dumped out and I was left shocked, scared, and confused. I had no idea where to start but knew I needed someone who could understand what I was going through, give me some sage advice, and not let me wallow in my sadness. I called my dad and Kay, but just couldn't get the words out. I called my best and dearest friends, but just didn't have the courage to admit what had happened. I finally reached out to the brother of a friend. He was just a few months further along than me and I knew he would have the words of wisdom I needed, but also the tender approach I needed as I sorted it all out.
Enter Todd Fudala. He was at the time merely an acquaintance, the brother of my good friend Bridgette, and someone who was trudging through the hurt that comes when life doesn't quite work out the way you thought. I had spent countless hours on the phone with Bridgette, trying to help her understand what he was feeling, trying to help her so she could help him. I had carefully considered what calling him would mean, but felt that I needed someone who didn't know me as well, didn't know my ex as well, and would be able to give advice with less anger and resentment than any other friend or family member could give at that time. Everyone else was so mad, and so was I, but I needed action and a plan.
Todd tells a great story of logging into work that morning, and mindlessly checking his Facebook and jumping out of his chair when he saw my message telling him what had happened. He jumped up, sprang into action, and has been doing that for me and next to me, and making my heart jump, ever since.
I said "Yes" last night...Yes to a life with a partner, Yes to someone who cares for me and cares about me, Yes to someone who brushes my hair out of my face when my hands are full, when I'm crying, or when I'm just washing the dishes, Yes to loving that man in the same way that he loves me - endlessly, Yes to a step father for my children, Yes to becoming a step mother to his children, Yes to a big family of big smiles, big fun, big grocery trips, big vacations and sometimes big tears, Yes to making it work for the sake of love and a marriage and the commitment of life together.
These lyrics are from one of our favorite musicians, Keith Urban...
You know I can't read your mind my love
But it seems to me
That your heart and mine tonight are
There's something so familiar
And still so unknown
The closer that we get I swear it feels like coming home
And I'm ready to be brave
Oh yea then you look at me and say baby
If ever I could love I think it could be with you
If ever I thought I found somebody so true
I wonder if you feel
The same way that I do
If ever I could love
I think it could be with you